It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
