Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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