exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
