erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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