Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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