Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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