remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
