i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
