i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
