Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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