So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
