Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
