whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
