She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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