But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
