I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
