I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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