It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
