i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
