Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
