the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
