i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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