sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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