I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
