that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
