I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
