I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
