I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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