there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
