did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
