it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
