Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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