His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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