I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish you could order shots online.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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