I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
