their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
