i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
