I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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