words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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