when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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