i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize