WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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