I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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