you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
