Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
