Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
