i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
