I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
