Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he shaved USA in his pubs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
