I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
