he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
