whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
