Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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