Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
