last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
