cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
