butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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