Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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