its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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