I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
