Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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