I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
