Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
